For today’s class, we’re going to watch YouTube videos.

We’ve seen it in a movie. Someone tried to fire a gun. Someone else take it away, says, “The safety was on,” and hands it back. It’s a nice device for showing the character’s cluelessness with handguns, but does it really work that way? Let’s say my character has a Glock.

Personally, I don’t know much about guns, but there are many people on YouTube that will teach you about them. Say you wanted to know how a Glock safety worked, you could watch this video:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7sJrZB4r_Q]

So, now I know. Glocks have a safety system that’s integrated into the trigger. There’s no little switch on the side. There are some guns that still use those switches, but many don’t. Sadly, the lack of a safety on the gun doesn’t stop writers from using this ancient gag.

Let’s go one further, something you can’t look up in Wikipedia, will a Glock fire after being dragged behind a truck?

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_vu2xEN7kA]

I can’t believe someone actually did that, but I’m glad I didn’t have to. Oh, and I know it wasn’t a fluke, because I can give you a second opinion.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOvFSTYcb7c]

A few weeks ago, I was reading an online article, which I don’t remember the address of. I had no problem reading it, but when I got to the comments, I was surprised to hear, “Who does the writer think he is?” and “He’s just trying to use big words to make himself sound important.”

I re-read the article. I didn’t see any words that I don’t use on a regular basis. This got me to thinking a little about vocabulary, and the importance of reaching your audience through your words.

True Story

I was once recruited by a man named Gary Cooper, who owned a drinking establishment named the “Coopacabana.” I was tasked with assisting him in the task of moving a shuffleboard style bowling game into his establishment. When I was finished he offered me a beer. The conversation went like this.

Gary: Are you over 21?

Me: Yes (it was actually true.)

Gary: You want a beer?

Me: Sure.

Gary: What would you like?

Me: Sam Adams.

Gary: What?

Me: Leinenkugel?

Gary: What?

Me: Pabst? (I was trying to re-gain some cred.)

Gary: Sure.

I had lacked the vocabulary to order a beer in a neighborhood bar.

So, you have to be careful not to use too many “big” words. Well, that kind of sucks, but there are some tricks I like to play to vary things up a bit. Often complex words share roots with simple words, and you can get away with using them. in context.

For instance, I would never use the word Nosferotic in a memo, but in a vampire book, where people are used to reading Nosferatu, it’s a pretty easy sell. At worst, some people might think I made up the word, which considering the popularity of it’s use, I might as well have. I found it in a dictionary once. It may have been a typo, but I’m sticking with it. Another word you can find in lots of writing is rivulet, three whole syllables and a word I’ve never heard spoken aloud, but similar to river and having a common suffix meaning “small,” so pretty much everyone can get it. Gentrification is another good example.

Then there are fun words that just sound like the mean, a sort of accidental onomatopoeia. Discombobulated is a great example of this.

Also, I never hesitate to make up my own words. It was good enough for Shakespeare.

Unfortunately, some words are just awesome and hard to learn via context. To me, at first glance, Messianic has more to do with messes than with messiahs. Of course, depending on your own personal outlook, maybe that’s not too bad.

Another problem I run into is words which have a common usage different from the traditional usage. See sodomy.

Over on the Kindle Boards, indie author Robert Bidinotto talks about how his book Hunter was pulled by Amazon for editing errors, most of which were his use of the serial comma or Oxford comma. To save you reading the thread, Amazon did eventually offer his book for sale again, but it did take some mailing back-and-forth, and frighteningly, it seems their ebook QA team had never heard of the Chicago Manual of Style.

For the uninitiated, the Oxford comma is the comma at the end of sequences.

Without the Oxford comma:
To my parents, Keifer Sutherland and The Captain and Tennille
I had a can of oil, bacon and eggs and tuna for breakfast.

With the Oxford comma:
To my parents, Keifer Sutherland, and The Captain and Tennille
I had a can of oil, bacon and eggs, and tuna for breakfast.

I’ll be honest. The biggest reason this makes me mad is the most grossly unedited ebook I’ve gotten on my Kindle, The Affinity Bridge, by George Mann, published by Tor Books. To me, it looked like Tor’s software screwed up and no human being bothered to take a look at it afterwards. But seriously, why can’t Tor be held to the same standards as indies?

Now, back on topic. I know some people hate that little comma as much as they hate taxes and confusing road tar with hot fudge. Personally I don’t think it’s really a big deal. I like to use it, because of the times that it does add clarity, and because when I’m speaking, I tend to pause at that point in a sequence.

In a world where there are dozens of style guides, dialects, and regional conventions, what’s one little comma between friends? I mean seriously, there’s even an Oxford comma Facebook fan page. Sure, it’s a nice place for a comma, but there’s not reason to get worked up about it.

Somebody set up us the bomb.

Over at the Self Publishing Review, I found an interesting article entitled, “Why I Nuked My Writing Career Before it Even Started.” The author of the article, Andrew Van Wey, talks about how, in addition to offering his paranormal mystery for $2.99 on the Kindle and Nook platforms, he also uploaded a copy to the Pirate Bay.

Also, earlier in the week, I read an article by a self-styled “Social Media Expert,” who was offering his non-fiction books for $9.99, and seemed offended that authors would sell their books for less and make his book look overpriced. I would link to include a link, so you can decide for yourself whether or not the guy was an idiot, but I really don’t want to waste your time or give him free advertising.

So, let’s put aside the fact that non-fiction books have always commanded higher retail prices, and profit margins, than fiction books, and how much larger the pool of competition is for fiction books, and how I feel about anyone who give themselves the title, “Social Media Expert,” and doesn’t run a website with thousands of viewers.

First, I want to address the idea that self-published ebooks shouldn’t be sold at the $0.99 to $2.99 price point. I think what most self-publishing authors are forgetting or maybe not realizing is that when a major house publishes an ebook for $7.99, or a hardcover for $20, a newbie author is only going to see $1-$3 for each sale. To put this in perspective, I’m going to offer these numbers by J A Konrath, who is very forthcoming about how much money he makes.

A Zen Parable

Once an economist traveled to the office of a major music corporation. He offered charts, charts figures, reams of paper showing how, if the company lowered the price of its digital music from $1.00 to $0.05, the company could double it’s profits within a year.

The President of the company considered this for a moment and then said, “But, if I lower the price to $0.10, I can quadruple my profits in a single year,” and smiled, secure in the knowledge that he knew more about running his company than any economist.

Okay, so here’s where I go off the numbers game and talk about something more important than profit per unit: your relationship with your readers. Fiction is not created by words alone, it is a relationship between author and reader. Sure, at the end of the day, publishing is a business, but good customer relations may be the most important part of doing business in the twenty-first century. This is perhaps the reason for the whole social media boom. After decades of technology making us feel less and less connected to other people, the needle seems to have suddenly swung the other direction. Sure, we might want to still buy cheep shoes online, but we want to do through the company that seems to more genuinely care.

Play the long game. Don’t worry about how much money you can make on one book. Think of how many readers who will want to buy the next book. Look at Amanda Hocking’s pricing model. $0.99 for the first book in a trilogy, $2.99 for each additional book. By the time you’re done, she’s grossed $6.97 instead of the $8.97 she would have made from selling all the books at $0.99. But, how many more people picked up that first book because it was just $0.99?

This is a link to the Cory Doctorow book, Little Brother. It is available for free on Doctorow’s website, just like all his other books. I have bought two trade paperback copies of this book. The first I bought for Cory Doctorow to sign. The second, I bought for a Christmas present for Tony Burroughs,  a friend who I thought would benefits from the descriptions of technology. I like Doctorow enough that I wanted to buy a book for Tony, rather than just giving him a download link.. The purchase both supported Cory, and showed Tony that I saw value in our discussion of technology.

So, this might have turned into a bit of a rant, but who doesn’t like a good rant.

I guess it’s not different than what I talked about the other day. Is a wide readership or a higher profit margin more important? Personally, I think that a larger readership is ultimately better business in our weird, post-paper world, but only time will decide.

I’m about to blaspheme, so those of you who are of a sensitive nature may want to skip to the next paragraph. There are some questions that Google can’t answer. Sure, if you need to know how is babby formed or things Mil Millington and his girlfiend have argued about, you’re good, no need to worry.

Some questions that an author must research go so far outside what everyday people have to deal with, things for which a simple web search isn’t enough. For these things, I like to use… wait for it… Facebook.

Just think about it. Despite my crippling awkwardness and anti-social behavior, there are literally dozens of people who have nominally agreed to be my friend.They come from all walks of life, from the criminally insane indigents to the reasonably respectable.

Just in my small circle of friends, I have rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists!

Wait, that last bit was from Blazing Saddles. Scratch that.

So, tonight, I was looking for two pieces of information. First I wanted to know whether a sitting judge could defend someone in a criminal case. I wasn’t having any luck, and then I realized that I had a Facebook friend who is a law student. Then, I was wondering what liabilities a law officer had for damaged caused in executing a no-knock warrant. When I didn’t find anything, right away, I realized there was a reserve officer in my friends list, and I sent away message two.

Now, I know there is a chance that I might get led astray by their answers, but even if their answers aren’t 100% accurate, they are still going to be close enough for the air of plausibility.

I was just prepping my submission to my writing group, my first submission in many months, and I realized I was feeling a fair bit of anxiety.

I went out on a limb with this piece. I threw some stuff on the page which wasn’t what I knew I should do, but what I wanted to do. I don’t know whether it’s good or it’s bad, but for the first time in many years, I am writing me. I am offering a view into my wicked little heart.

In the end, I think that’s what it’s all about, not just for being an artist, but for living your passion. You have to put yourself out there. You have to realize who you really are and become that person, at least in your heart.